No Advice Needed

When’s the last time you’ve heard or said a phrase like these:

• “I need a sounding board.”

• “Can I run something by you?”

• “I need a sanity check.”

More often it’s not our commentary they are seeking; we simply need to be present and listen. Take it a step further…Listen without giving advice! We crave it, we need it, but how good are we at doing it for others?

As a teenager, the person I felt gave me the best advice was my grandmother. In fact, she hardly ever gave any advice, she just listened. I’d talk at her for minutes or even an hour at a time. I was working through my thoughts and she would simply nod, give an empathetic smile or say something like “I see…” or “Is that so?” to show me that she was listening.

Sometimes we need to air out our ideas or challenges. We know the answer is buried inside or want to figure it out for ourselves. It’s rewarding to exercise our thoughts and victorious to the nth degree when we nail it down. The responses are usually in this vein:

• “Ahha! I got it!”

• “It feels good to get it off my chest.”

• “I just needed to say it out loud.”

Think about it the next time a co-worker, friend or family member comes to you. What do they need? Can you listen without giving advice?